August 25, 2003

The Pharaoh Knows

in anticipation of Burning Man 2003, here's a little essay scribed at the conclusion of last year's festivities:

    toss out the measuring sticks: there's an event out there that is badder than anything i have ever seen. badder than anything i have ever imagined. badder than anything i can hope to articulate.

    The Man

    i'm talking about Burning Man, and i'm tellin' you it blows the doors off of everything else i've ever been part of. i'm not knocking jazz fest, i'm not forgetting about hermosa, i'm not overlooking vegas, i'm not discounting halloween, i'm not mocking the preakness, i'm not short-changing the bay-to-breakers. i'm telling you that this event is not even in the same class.

    i set out for the desert last week with high expectations, an abundance of enthusiasm, and a strong dose of curiosity. what i saw, what i did, what i experienced was beyond comprehension.

    there is no description i can provide, no picture i can show, no story i can relate that can put this event in perspective. shit, there is no perspective. there is no comparing it to anything.

    its a real life mad max, combined with the bar scene from star wars, mixed with about every fairy tale there is, every story from Dr. Seuss, every episode of curious george. and oh yeah it takes place on a moon-like dust bowl of a crater that fossilizes everything the second it gets the slightest bit wet. and oh yeah, it's 100 degrees in the day and under 50 at night. and oh yeah the place is hopping 24/7 with 30,000 possessed souls. and oh yeah it's the size of a shitload of football stadiums, and people either have on elaborate costumes or no clothes at all, and there was this over-sized rubber duck that housed a killer bar with a sweet jazz band, and there was the church of funk, and the temple of joy and of course THE MAN himself. and did i mention the topless dancers at pinky's, most every minute of every day. or what about the insane bocce course. or the ban on shark fucking at the deep end. or the fact that its downhill no matter which way you are pedaling. and then there was the big white moby dick whale that got pulled over by the police on the playa for speeding. and the mushrooms. the mescaline. the liquid. and then everything went dark.


    get the picture? no of course not. cause i went, and i don't get the picture. not only was i at the show, i was in the show. but the show is bigger than all of us.

    what i'm getting at is that burning man is a must. camp bojon can only get bigger and better each time we go. do yourself a favor, mark off your calendar and get on fucking board for next year. last week changed forever how i will view the world, and i recommend you let it do the same for you next time around . . .

ah yeah, bring on The Playa!!!

Posted by bojon at August 25, 2003 02:13 AM