December 05, 2005

Its Reigning Buckets

uncle velvet

great to hear from uncle velvet the other day. the avuncular one is well into phase two of his worldwide walkabout, and he's not slowing down.

he sent in the following note chronicling his most recent adventures...

    Does anyone recall me saying how I thought the second half of my world tour, this time through Asia, would have more of spiritual bent and less of the crazy party scene that the first half turned out to be?  All of you that believed that bullshit, raise your hand. 

    uncle velvet

    After seeing more gold buddahs than I'll need to in a lifetime during the first couple of days in Bangkok, Mandy and I headed out to hop some islands.  Ahhh, and that is where we were introduced to the Bucket and it was pretty much all downhill from there. 

    uncle velvet

    As I am, if nothing else, a frugal sort, buckets first came into play as a cost savings measure.  It didn't take an accountant to help me figure out which was a better deal, given that a bucket is roughly 250-300 baht and a single cocktail is 100-150 baht.  A bucket typically consists of a full flask of Sam Sung (Thai rice whiskey that retails at 7-11 for about a buck and a half), and you get your choice of mixers... I went with a Red Bull/Coke combo, while Mandy preferring to watch her girlish figure went with straight soda.

    Talk about bang for your baht, this shit F$#%s you up something fierce!  And we went with multiple strategies.  Some nights, we'd share, but in that scenario we would both be fighting to get our fair share so they disappeared rather quickly. But then when we went every man to his own bucket, they went down pretty flipping quick too. You can't win when you take on the Bucket! 

    uncle velvet

    Considering that Mandy and I only met on the playa, five weeks in Thailand was a fairly ambitious first date, but more or less we got along brilliantly. The only fights? Bucket-fueled! Lost flip flops? Blame it on the bucket. Injuries? Nothing serious, but every limb is now covered with some sort of bucket-related scratch, divot, burn or the like. Seems the buckets have an adverse effect on motor functions. 

    It reached a point where on a couple of morning afters, nursing hangovers and trying to reconstruct the previous night's debauchery, that we were ready to launch a new line of t-shits to compete with Thailand's ubiquitous "same same, but different".  Our Thoughts: "bow down to the bucket," "respect the bucket," "beware of the bucket," "suckthebucketmuthafucka" get the idea. 

    uncle velvet

    Anyway, so Mandy leaves, I head to Ton Sai beach and I'm back on the beer (more or less)...girlish figure be damned.  Well, the first bar I establish myself in, the Viking, has a unique spin on the Sunrise Saloon's 'shot and a yo yo', 'shot and a peanut', etc promotion.  You order a beer, and they pass across a bamboo bong.  Beer and a Bong!  Brilliant!  Guess where I spent the full week on Hat Ton Sai?  Don't ask me, I don't remember.
    Anyway, shit, good fun.  I finally got around to updating my website with plenty of bucket-infused photos, so check it out...
    The Man burns in 272 days...see you there!!!
    Velvet Bucket

bucket on, my brother. comforting to know you're out there ringing the bell!

shout out to mandy (she of the playa proven good attitude) as well. not an easy task going toe to toe with the uncle. more power to ya, sista!

uncle velvet

Posted by bojon at December 5, 2005 10:40 PM